Someone please fix my head

It's haircut time again and in reflection, my last two haircuts have been colossal failures. I have not cared for the last two months and just went with "whatever", and "whatever" hasn't gotten me any positive attention during that time.

But the last two haircuts is just part of a long history of bad haircuts, as this video from August 8, 2006 demonstrates.



It has gotten to the point where if I don't put any sort of product in my hair (namely pomade) then I end up looking like Moe from the Three Stooges with a beard. It's horrible, and I need to come out of the gate with a good look this time around.

So now I turn the keys to the hair on my fat head over to you. I need image links, drawings, or whatever you can find that demonstrate which is the best haircut for me and why.